Com-ODD-y

You can't change the way a man thinks through violence, but you can change the way he walks.

NEW! AUDIO CLIP

Is there anything to be said about School Shootings?

NEW! VIDEO CLIPS!
Pretty White Girls
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Cars n' stuff
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"Homeless"
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Quotes of the week

You should get a biopsy on those "Lovely lady lumps" ma'am.

Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, just make sure to remove his severed feet from them before you put them on.

It is not about the glass being half full, or half empty, it's about people drinking my beverage as soon as I walk away. Who did it? Are you going to buy me another Coke? I don't care if you just took a sip, I don't want your goddamned germs alright!!!

Give a man a fish he can eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he can eat forever, teach a fish to dance and that's just weird.

JOKE OF THE WEEK
Every week from now on I will send out an email to all the Chicago comics with a joke from a kids joke book, and a punchline from a kids jokebook. It is then up to the comics to come up with the best alternative punchline to the joke, and the best alternative joke for the punchline. The comic who submits the best jokes and punchlines get their results posted here and get a feature spot at Pressure Cafe whichever Saturday they want. Im busy so I can't keep up with this...sorry.

4/9/06 Winning joke and punchline by David Angelo

What is a parrot's favorite game? (original joke)
Parrots love to play this game where they make their owner think he isn't lonely.

What happens when you kill all the congressmen who consistantly and cowardly submit to the interests of thier political and financial backers, the leave their bodies to rot on the floor of the capitol?
The house smells better! (original punchline)

4/2/06

Brad Binkley with the joke:

Q. What do you call a couple of dead window washers? Slippers (original punchline)

and Chuck Scott with the punchline:

What did the invisible man call his mother and father? (original joke)
Assholes, because they were never there for him.

3/26/06
The joke this for this week was:
Why did Dracula flunk out of art school?
Winning punchline submitted by Brad Binkley:
Because he sucks.
A close second submitted by David Angelo:
Because his roomate introduced him to pot early in the semester, and now he lives on Frankenstein's couch, occasionally getting work helping people move.

The punchline for this week was:
A stomachache
Winning joke, also submitted by Brad Binkley:
What do you call a pill poppers failed suicide attempt?

CONGRATS BRAD AND CHUCK

ACTUAL DAVE ODD JOKES!
Right from his act
(in lieu of video clips)

I saw sign on a church that read "If you give Satan an inch, he'll be a ruler." I think that just goes to show how arrogant we've become here in America that we just assume Satan uses the same systen of measurement as we do.

Dating is like a box of chocolates, most of it is stuff you wouldn't want in the first place, but when you do find the one you want someone else already stuck a finger in it.

The Wisconsin statehood quarter has on it a cow, a wheel of cheese, and an ear of corn.....might as well just throw a fat woman in a Packers jacket on there too. Indiana was inspired by this though so they are reissuing their quarter with a fist about to hit a woman, a Camaro on cinder blocks, and a meth lab on it.

I won a $10,000 shopping spree, but it was at a dollar store, so if anyone needs any grape Faygo or Virgin Mary candles talk to me later and I'll hook you up.

I'm working on an invention, it's an automobile that is better than a hybrid because it puts out no emissions at all. Because it runs on hopes and dreams. The only downfall is that it completely stops working if you have a baby...or a conversation with my father.

I heard an ad on the radio for a charity that benefits abused and neglected children. I though to myself...you can't be abused AND neglected.

I saw car with two bumper stickers on it, the one on the left side of the bumper read "I love Ireland" on it...and this confused me, on the other side of the bumper there was a sticker that read "Drive Sober". Make up your mind.

For more come see Dave perform.

excerpts from
DAVE ODD's
LAND OF ODD

Words of Wisdom
1. You can’t change the way a person
thinks through violence, but you can change the way they walk.

2. When you get in a hairy situation…remember, nothing breaks a jaw like a sock full of nickels.

3. You can’t change the world, unless of course you choose to release the virus.

4. The grass is always greener, where you buried those kids.

5. Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than dead prostitutes.

6. Everybody loves a clown, well, except for that one that killed your brother.

7. You can’t run with the bulls...but you sure are good at f*ckin’ the cows.

8. Love is blind, especially when the one you love keeps using all of that pepper spray.

9. Feed the homeless, with the homeless.

10. If you can’t beat ‘em, beat their next of kin.

11. Beauty is only skin deep, but hydrochloric acid eats into the muscle.

12. You can’t kill two birds with one stone, but you can kill 14 camp counselors with the same rock.

13. When you wish upon a star, you might as well be wearing a dress, fag.

14. An apple a day keeps the doctor away...so does a sword.

15. No man is an island, well unless of course a floating torso counts as an island.

DAVE ODD MERCHANDISE
Own a small piece of Dave

20 page booklet chock full of inappropriatness and hilarity.                     Bootleg CD! Over 50 minutes of Dave's most hilarious bits recorded live Great toilet reading!                                                                                at Pressure Cafe 2-11-06
Signed copy only $5!                                                                                    Signed copy only $10!

To get a book or CD come to one of Dave's shows or contact him by email dopentertainment@msn.com

T-SHIRTS NOW AVAILABLE!!!!!! ONLY $15!!!! Available in many sizes and colors.