1. You can’t change the way a person
thinks through violence, but you can change the way they walk. 

2. When you get in a hairy situation…remember, nothing breaks a jaw like a sock full of nickels.

3. You can’t change the world, unless of course you choose to release the virus.

4. The grass is always greener, where you buried those kids.

5. Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than dead prostitutes.

6. Everybody loves a clown, well, except for that one that killed your brother.

7. You can’t run with the bulls...but you sure are good at f*ckin’ the cows.

8. Love is blind, especially when the one you love keeps using all of that pepper spray.

9. Feed the homeless, with the homeless.

10. If you can’t beat ‘em, beat their next of kin. 

11. Beauty is only skin deep, but hydrochloric acid eats into the muscle.

12. You can’t kill two birds with one stone, but you can kill 14 camp counselors with the same rock.

13. When you wish upon a star, you might as well be wearing a dress, fag.

14. An apple a day keeps the doctor away...so does a sword.

15. No man is an island, well unless of course a floating torso counts as an island.